It was around 30 years ago when I first met the ‘Ole Fart. He was the man who was later to become my father-in-law. I was a young 21 year old whipper-snapper who was dating his 17 year old daughter. I think now that when I began dating his daughter that he tolerated me more than I realized. He was an Oklahoma red neck and I was a reformed hippy. It made for a great combination!
Junior F. Jay was better known by his friends simply as “Jay.” Jay didn’t put up with any stuff from anybody. He had taught himself most of what he knew and knew more about how things worked than most engineers. He was a gruff, self-made man who had little education but lots and lots of practical wisdom. He had an opinion about everything, some of it good and practical and some of it not.
He came off as a rough and tough man, and he was. In the past he had always been able to intimidate the boys who were trying to court his daughter. He met his match when he met me! He enjoyed calling me “dummy” and I enjoyed calling him ‘Ole Fart. He took this prodding well and could dish it out with the best of them.
He enjoyed camping and fishing and taught me how to enjoy them as well. He loved to tell the story of when we were out on his boat troll-fishing and how I caught my first (and only) 6 ½ pound bass! He laughed and laughed, remembering how I swore that I had a blue marlin on the line and how he had to keep telling me to “keep your pole up, keep your pole up!” Those were good memories!
Back in those days, the ‘Ole Fart claimed to be an atheist. He didn’t allow anything to be said in his house if it had anything to do about Jesus.
When I asked for Sharon’s hand in marriage, Jay said, “It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re going to do whatever you want anyway.” I disagreed with him and told him that if his answer was “no”, then the answer would remain “no” until he changed it to “yes”. I think that he was surprised by my response. I also think that maybe this was his initial response because that was the way that he would have reacted if anyone were to tell him “no”. Jay then said, “well, you can have my daughter’s hand in marriage, but don’t you dare take her out of this country!” In spite of Jay claiming to be an atheist, I think that he still knew at that time that his daughter was being called by God to serve Him and that maybe this might even mean serving God overseas.
Sharon and I did our best to try to display a Christ-like attitude whenever he was around. Over the years he would allow us to pray over the Thanksgiving or Christmas meal, but that was as far as “religion” was allowed to be openly displayed. Also, over the years, he began to soften a little bit and say that he was an agnostic. Both Sharon and I saw this as a positive direction and continued to pray for him, hoping that he would come around to knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord.
When the time came to tell Sharon’s parents that we felt like God was calling us to the mission field, I told Jay that I understood that he didn’t want to have his daughter and only grand-children going overseas, but that we had to obey God rather than Jay. I think that he understood, although he never gave his permission. We found out later that he bragged to all of his friends about his “preacher boy” son-in-law and later about his missionary daughter and son-in-law.
The day that Sharon and I were commissioned as missionaries was the same day that Sharon’s mother Dorothy was diagnosed with cancer and not long afterwards, Jay was diagnosed with emphysema. Years later after Dorothy’s death, I was able to talk to Jay about God’s grace. I told him that it was God’s grace that allowed the cancer to not advance until we had earned enough furlough time to be able to return to the States and it was His grace that allowed us to be with them the last 6 months of her life. I explained to Jay that God did not owe this time to Jay or to Dorothy, but that God’s grace had allowed this to happen. Jay said that he understood this to be true. Later, he began talking more and more about the “Man Upstairs”, this time speaking about God in much kinder words than we’d ever heard before.
Towards the end our second furlough but before we had returned to Brazil, Jay’s emphysema really began to grow. During our last five-year stay in Brazil, Jay’s condition continued to get worse. We sent Sharon home a couple of times to be with her daddy and we, as a family, were able to be with him during the Christmas break of 2007. During this Christmas break in the States, Jay was in the hospital 11 of the 21 days that we were there. It was during this hospitalization that a night nurse told Grandma Fay (Jay’s second wife after he lost Sharon’s mom, Dorothy) that during the night, Jay had prayed to receive Christ into his heart.
When we returned to the States for this time for Stateside Assignment, we knew that we would most likely see the results of the emphysema take him home. It was a hard and difficult six months for everyone. Watching his struggle for each and every breathe was hard for us, much harder for him.
On January 18, 2010, Junior Fredrick Jay, aka ‘Ole Fart, went to be with the Lord. He lived a hard life. So much of his life seemed stubborn and self-willed, yet at the end it was somewhat softer. I loved my father-in-law. He was a good father who loved deeply his two daughters and was a good grandpa for his four grand-children. I’ve always said that I had the best in-laws that anyone could ask for (Dorothy, Jay the ‘Ole Fart and now with “Grandma” Fay).
‘Ole Fart, I love you and you will be dearly missed.
Dummy
No comments:
Post a Comment